Episode 01-28: PolyKink 101 – Z Marks The Spot
We debated long and hard about releasing an episode this week but we ultimately decided that it is just as important to share our work, our lives and our joy as it is to shine a light on the systematic oppression of Black people and to fight for our lives and our freedom.
We are with the protesters putting their bodies on the line to fight for us.
We are with the organisers who are doing the work behind the scenes.
We are with those who are unable to go out there and protest but are donating money and resources.
On today’s episode of the podcast we talked to a polyamorous dominant and consent educator about his journey in polyamory, kink and how the two intersect.
Zach was a really great guest who shared some amazing information with us and we will definitely be having him back next season.
You can find him on his Twitter page and also on his Facebook page.
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- We met Zach through Black Poly Pride’s online event “Are Black People Allowed?” and he was so knowledgable about kink, consent and polyamory that Jhen decided there and then he belonged on the pod. Below will be some highlights from the interview and of course tons of things about Zach!
- Zach lives in Houston and has been happily officially practicing polyamory for 12/13 years and realised he was Kinky when he was a pre-teen but believes he has been that way his whole life. (we agree)
- He practices Solo Poly with a bit of Relationship Anarchy and he’s had great Kitchen Table Poly experiences (Wanna know what this means? Check our resources page for links to the poly glossary)
- Zach identifies as a Sensual Dom, a Top & an Ethical Sadist and his specialities are impact play and fire play
- The internet was a boon for him because he is shy and an introvert. It helped with research but also with starting to build community in groups.
- He’s a big nerd! He researches everything (this was apparent several times in the episode)
- Zach is a cis-gender man btw who is not quite on the hetero end of the Kinsey Scale.
- He is a consent and kink educator
- Being a shy guy at a swinger party is just NOT the wave btw
- In his research on polyamory, he read stuff like The Ethical Slut and all of Tristan Taormino’s work and then got involved in a polyamory peer discussion group at the LGBT centre in Houston…didn’t talk for 6-8 months and then opened his mouth and became a facilitator. His voice just gives him powers.
- Zach’s partners have really held him down in this period and he wants to give them a special shout out!
- His DMs are open for a variety of topics! Slide in them!
- He is intentional about getting into relationships with people he wants to be a part of his life
- Jhen had a bit of a snafu where she didn’t mute during an online event and EVERYONE heard a private conversation that she had with a friend. Zach was there and happily trynna listen to the convo and guess the other side. This is Jhen’s meme response.
- Great quote from Zach re: people who believe that polyamory and kink don’t go together
“People like to think that kink and D/s by definition means ownership and that’s not the case, not to mention the fact that you can’t truly own someone that you love.”
- Zach’s explanation of his sadism and the feelings etc behind it are AMAZING! Cannot be summarised. Must listen.
- Big up to Scorpiana anywhere she deh!!!!!! Jhen has a MEGA crush on her and she is also an amazing rope dom. Zach also sends big ups.
- Some more great quotes:
- “With kink, because you have to be so very intentional about consent, it has taught me to be that way with my relationships…it has taught me that intentionality is important…”
- “I’ve learned through kink to be very intentional in polyamory.”
- “On the other hand, what you get from polyamory is the realisation that one person can’t be everything for anyone else, kink is the same way.”
- We talk about when to tell people that you are polyamorous and when to share testing results
- Being intentional about what you want has to definitely be the theme of this episode.
- Jhen has a random story about Trader Joe’s thrown in here and she stands by it because…yeah this is who she is lol
- We asked Zach about representation of black people in the kink community and polyam community now vs when he joined. He calls out some people and talks about pulling our from conferences etc.
- Big up to Black Poly Pride (Chanee Jackson-Kendall and Cheri Calico Roman) and Poly Dallas Millenium (Ruby Bouie Johnson) for creating intentional spaces!
- Representation of black people in polyamory is low but we can talk about the representations in each place. He says that he has seen a presence but not a lot of change.
- IMPORTANT NOTE: Zach hates 50 Shades as much as Jhen
- Zach, as a consent educator and all around great human, believes in being sober when doing kink activities. Inebriation means that you are not able to consent effectively.
- Sham asked for more details about fire play and Zach talks about that, including safety measures, and a bit about wax play
- Zach loves the podcast!!!! That was the part that had us cheesing! Loved having Zach on.
Thanks again for tuning on for this week’s episode.
We will be on Dirty Talk with Delilah on Instagram Live about the podcast, polyamory and ethical non-monogamy on June
3 10, 2020 @ 6:30pm PST/ 8:30pm CST/ 9:30pm EST. Delilah Dubois is amazing and it will be from her page and she posts the episodes on her YouTube channel.