Episode 01-03: Cheating, Jealousy & Unne

Posted On December 4, 2019

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• Psychology today article about emotional infidelity
• Definitions
  1. Cheating –
     1. be sexually unfaithful (oxford dictionary)
     2. Bustle article about cheating
  2. Infidelity
     1. the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner. – Oxford Dictionary from the Latin Infidelis which means “not faithful” (seemed to be in reference to religion)
     2. the act or fact of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one’s husband, wife, or partner
     3. unfaithfulness to a moral obligation – Merriam Webster.
     4. a violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity – Urban Dictionary
  3. Jealousy –
     1. Jealousy generally refers to the thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern over a relative lack of possessions.
     2. Jealousy can consist of one or more emotions such as anger, resentment, inadequacy, helplessness or disgust. In its original meaning, jealousy is distinct from envy, though the two terms have popularly become synonymous in the English language, with jealousy now also taking on the definition originally used for envy alone.
     3. Romantic Jealousy – “a complex of thoughts, feelings, and actions that follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of the relationship when those threats are generated by the perception of a real or potential romantic attraction between one’s partner and a (perhaps imaginary) rival.” ( White, Gregory L. (1 December 1981). “A model of romantic jealousy”. Motivation and Emotion. 5 (4): 295–310. doi:10.1007/BF00992549. ISSN 0146-7239.)
     4. Sexual Jealousy – Sexual jealousy may be triggered when a person’s significant other displays sexual interest in another person.^[46] The feeling of jealousy may be just as powerful if one partner suspects the other is guilty of infidelity. Fearing that their partner will experience sexual jealousy the person who has been unfaithful may lie about their actions in order to protect their partner. (Buunk, Bram; Hupka, Ralph B (1987). “Cross-Cultural Differences in the Elicitation of Sexual Jealousy”. The Journal of Sexual Research. 23: 12–22. doi:10.1080/00224498709551338.)
     5. The most correct definiton would be the feeling of being threatened by a rival in a romantic relationship or losing something of value to another person which happens to be yours already. (urban dictionary)
     6. Psychology Today article about jealousy
  4. Compersion
     1. Compersion is NOT a real word in the English Language with an official definition
     2. The feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another; contrasted with jealousy. (Wikipedia summary)
     3. Huffpost article about Compersion
     4. “Mudita,” in Sanskrit, means “the pleasure that comes from delighting in other people’s well-being.” “Unne,” in Norwegian means “to be happy on someone else’s behalf.”
• Psychology Today article about jealousy & compersion
• Yes, you can cheat on someone even if you are non-monog. Once you violate the rules of the relationship, that is cheating. Eg: your partner says no kissing other people when they are not there and you do it.
• Relationship rules
  1. Apply to both monog and non-monog relationships. Each couple decides what those rules are with some skewing more “normal” and “standard” while others break down certain behaviours etc that they are not comfortable with
• Personal experience of jealousy we’re comfortable sharing:
  1. Most of my Jealousy currently comes from friendships as opposed to romantic relationships but that might be because I crave my people around me/close to me at all times and distance makes it harder – Jhen
  2. I find I only have knee jerk jealousy sometimes it’s a quick reaction that doesn’t last, I mostly am jealous of my partner having someone and me not – Sham
• Any advice we have on dealing with feelings of jealousy
  1. stop that shit & talk to your partner. As cheesy as it sounds we need to talk about it especially as it relates to jealousy and personal issues popping up in relationships. Communication is key. Also do some introspection
• *Fluid Bonding was mentioned in this episode – Fluid bonding refers to the decision to stop using barrier protection during sex and exchange bodily fluids with your partner.*
• Bun in Jamaican colloquial terms refers to the act of cheating on your partner. Eg: “she give me bun” would mean “she cheated on me”