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Episode 02-05: Asexuality and Polyamory

This week we have yet another interview in which we hear from Intimacy about their journey in polyamory, being Two-Spirit and about their asexuality.
CW: We do discuss sexual assault in this episode and we will put the time stamps below for that when it appears in the episode.

Before we dive in to this conversation that was recorded in July, here is Intimacy’s bio:
They are a multiracial Two-Spirit Native American Black person who is polyamorous, kinky and pansexual.
They are a sex surrogate who is also a mother to two young black men.
They grew up with polyamorous swinger grandparents and are a 30+ year veteran in polyamory.
They host local Dallas/Ft. Worth polyam events since 2014 to advocate, educate and support polyamorous communities. They have also presented at multiple conferences where they speak on polyamory and supporting all polyamorous communities with their personal experience, knowledge and wisdom.

Here are some definitions for some terms we use in this episode
Two-Spirit: “Two-spirit” refers to a person who identifies as having both a masculine and a feminine spirit, and is used by some Indigenous people to describe their sexual, gender and/or spiritual identity.
Asexual: Someone who does not experience sexual attraction or an intrinsic desire to have sexual relationships (or the adjective describing a person as such). You can find more information on Asexuality here.
Demisexual: Someone who can only experience sexual attraction or desire after an emotional bond has been formed (or the adjective describing a person as such). This is different from the choice to abstain from sex until certain criteria are met.
Megasexual: Megasexuals are characterized as individuals who lack emotional connection toward any person or persons unless they first form a strong sexual connection with someone. Pretty much it’s the opposite of demisexual. Link to article about megasexuality
Sex Surrogate: It’s designed to help the client become more comfortable with intimacy, sensuality, sex and sexuality, and their body. are practitioners trained in addressing issues of intimacy and sexuality.

Now that we’ve got all of that done, let’s dive in to the episode.

  • Intimacy has always known they were Two-Spirit
  • Fell in love with a woman at 19 and realised they were bisexual but their sexuality has now evolved to pansexual.
  • They’ve always been polyamorous and have not shielded their 2 sons from that
  • Grew up with vanilla monogamous parents but with non-monogamous grandparents (ethical swingers on one side and unethical non-monogamous grandparents on the other side)
  • Open to connections but due to their place on the asexual spectrum (demisexual) they want those connections to start as friends
  • Intimacy’s parents are not into toxic monogamy! They were open to noticing other people were attractive and didn’t shame each other for it. They are also mad accepting. Sham and I want to be adopted by their parents. Just saying
  • Intimacy’s journey in polyamory is definitely interesting. We’re gonna let you all just listen to this and hear the conversation from her 20s to the present and then back to her pre-20s years. They went through different variations of non-monogamy including swinging before they officially discovered the word “polyamorous”
  • We also do really want Netflix to holla at us to buy the rights to this story so we can make this hopping. LINK US UP!
  • Sham talks a bit about his journey into discovering polyamory
  • Jhen talks too much about her past
  • We dive into Intimacy’s journey into understanding and acknowledging their asexuality
    • That bitch CHERRY!!!!!! WOW
    • Mental health, grief and more were happening
    • There was a lot of internal pressure they put on themselves to feel sexual
    • It took them 10 years to learn this terminology and going to counselling and working on themselves and being able to express and enforce their boundaries.
  • CW for Sexual Assault conversation: 34.00 – 37.00 on SoundCloud and on 35:32- 38:05 with the Anchor ad.
  • Intimacy is also a Jhensexual, obvi.
  • Intimacy is romantic but they do not require their partners to be. The ways their partners identify romantically do not matter to them
  • LINK TO THE SHOW NOTES FOR VANILLA ROSE’S EPISODE ON AROMANTICISM
  • Intimacy is a sex surrogate! We define that above.
  • They tells us a bit more about their past which includes blackmailing their grandmother into explaining swinging to them at age 12 thanks to finding a risque photo album, asking for a threesome and finding out their partner was a swinger with a girlfriend, discovering their dom tendencies,
  • Intimacy is a Relationship Anarchist Polyamorous person but Solo Poly seems to be the term that fits the most right now. They are open to Kitchen Table Poly (despite having a horrible metamour experience in the past)
  • Rules about Intimacy’s DMs: NO DICK PICS, Yes to chest/breast, arm and shoulder pics.
  • We talk a little bit about this app called Marco Polo (Jhen still has not downloaded it)
  • We also talk about Poly Dallas Millennium which, as you know, is online this year. (Tickets are still available btw! Click this link to get yours)
  • We kind of segue a bit into brunch preferences…no there is no real reason why we got there lol.
  • Oh we are also definitely bringing Intimacy and Zach back for kink. We will not link their in depth FetLife profile because that’s for y’all to look up.

Want to know where to find Intimacy? You can reach out to them on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook.
They can also be found on Snapchat and Tiktok as polyfreelove.

We are still looking for people to be featured on the podcast!
We have posted on our social medias about our search so we’re shouting it out in the episode too!
We’re looking for Triads and Swingers right now.
If you are interested, link up with on Twitter, Instagram or via Email.

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