Episode 03-10: The Metamour Bill of Rights
On this week’s episode, we’re talking metamour relationships! The authors of the Metamour Bill of Rights, Evita Sawyers and Chanee Jackson-Kendall, join Jhen for a conversation about navigating metamour relationships and how to manage metaships when technically, your meta don’t owe you shit.
We talked about the Metamour Bill of Rights but you probably want to see it right? Here you go!
Wanna know more about our guests on this episode?
Evita Sawyers (she/her) is a non-monogamy coach, speaker, and educator. Creator of “Today’s Polyamory Reminder”, she is also the subject of the groundbreaking polyamorous documentary “Poly-Love”.” Her approach is both frank yet empathetic and she is appreciated for her vulnerable openness about her own challenges in non-monogamy and helping others to grow.
Where can you find Evita?
Chanee Jackson-Kendall (she/her) is a Black polyamorous educator, speaker, activist, and event planner. A 34 year old native Atlantan, she lives in a western suburb of Atlanta with her partners & coparents. She is the proud Mama of the most adorable six year old in the world. She has openly identified as non-monogamous for over a decade. Chaneè discovered the online polyamorous community in 2012 and has been an active, and often outspoken member ever since. As the owner of several small businesses, she brings an entrepreneurial spirit to everything she does. She is the Co-Founder of the Poly Cultural Diversity Alliance & Black Poly Pride . She volunteers her time to polyamorous education, outreach, and activism. Chanee is passionate about normalizing polyamory as a relationship orientation or relationship choice. During the pandemic; as part of the PCDA team; she has hosted a series of virtual events entitled “Are Black People Allowed”; as an avenue for connecting Black polyamorous people during a time when in-person connection was imprudent.
Where to find Chanee:
Follow Black Poly Pride on Social Media
Tidbits from the episode
- The metamour bill of rights is the product of an 8+ year conversation and was initially presented at Black Poly Pride 2019 and was remixed for the virtual Are Black People Allowed sessions in 2020.
- Evita and Chanee were initially on opposite sides of the conversation with Chanee being very much Kitchen Table Poly (KTP) and Evita was all about Parallel Poly
- Parallell Polyamory is not inherently a bad thing! It doesn’t necessarily mean there is a negative relationship between you and your metamour.
- The opposite of Kitchen Table Polyamory is Don’t Ask Dont Tell (DADT).
- The midpoint in navigating between KTP and DADT is Birthday Party Poly or, as coined by Morgan Lindsay, Restaurant Table Poly.
- Like Chanee and I talked about in Episode 03-03, some problems are hinge problems and not metamour (meta) problems
- There is a huge difference between privacy and secrecy. Having no secrets does not mean you don’t have a right to privacy.
- “Privacy is not secrecy and transparency is not total access to any and all information at any given time” – Evita Sawyers
- There was a lot of pushback from people about having the right to address their issues with their meta directly but surprisingly, not as much about having the right to maintain a relationship with the meta even if the relationship with the shared partner ends.
- “Keep your eyes on your own paper” – Chanee Jackson-Kendall
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Bonus!
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Happy Valentines Day lovers!
xoxo
-Jhen
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